Linus' Christmas Tree.

What a day. So many people in and out, around and around, looking for a way out, an easy answer. Today I didn’t have any easy answers though, and my smiles are becoming unfulfilling. A kind gesture feels like the right thing to do, but it doesn’t put food on the table. Doesn’t warm the baby’s room.

Sometimes I visualize my job, what my role is in all of this. I think of an old pirate ship, about 200 years ago, weathered deck of grey wood, tattered sails, and degenerate crew. I see a high sea tossing us about, a black and unforgiving sky, the hull taking on water, the boat slowly falling apart, giving way to the storm and to the sea. I’m the guy who would be running around with a bucket, bailing water, trying to keep the thing afloat for a couple minutes extra. Well, except that I’m not a guy.

What does this all mean?

Three college students from Pavan’s social justice class came in this morning to interview me and share the results of the survey that they conducted. One of the things they asked of me was to define what I thought social justice was, and how OCS played a role within a framework of social justice. The gears turned and I think I failed. As far as I can tell, OCS doesn’t play a role in social justice. As far as I can tell, social justice is my naïve utopian dream, something which is unattainable as things stand.

Mired in the muck.

Clocks by ColdPlay and the chorus. It makes me think that Emily will someday die. So will Patrick, so will my father! This life is too beautiful to contain the people that I love, my family. I am a sap, sentimental, and foolish. But my heart still contains youthful joy, and I am beginning to believe that it always will.

Even on a day like today.